Connection Circles
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Attachment Theory
Expert Endorsement “Every child comes into the world seeking a secure relationship with her/his caregivers. The Circle of Security® program helps promote that security.” – Dr. Dan Siegel, Neuropsychiatrist
What Is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory explains how children develop strong emotional bonds with primary caregivers, and how these bonds shape their emotional and social development throughout life.
Originally developed by John Bowlby (1907–1990), attachment theory is grounded in evolutionary biology and developmental psychology. Bowlby believed children are biologically programmed to form attachments with caregivers to increase their chances of survival.
"The propensity to make strong emotional bonds to particular individuals is a basic component of human nature." — John Bowlby, 1988
Key Concepts of Attachment Theory
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Attachment: A deep, enduring emotional bond between a child and caregiver.
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Secure base: A caregiver provides safety and support, allowing the child to explore the world confidently.
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Safe haven: A caregiver provides comfort when the child is distressed.
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Internal working models: Mental templates formed from early experiences that influence how children perceive themselves and others in relationships.
Attachment Styles
Secure Attachment
As Children:
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Confidently separate from parent
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Seek comfort when scared
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Happy to see parents return
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Prefer parents over strangers
As Adults:
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Form trusting, lasting relationships
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Have healthy self-esteem
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Openly share emotions
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Value social support
Insecure-Ambivalent/Resistant Attachment
As Children:
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Fearful of strangers
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Highly distressed by separation
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Not easily comforted on reunion
As Adults:
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Struggle with closeness
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Fear rejection or not being loved
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Deeply upset by breakups
Insecure-Avoidant Attachment
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As Children:
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Avoid or ignore parents
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Show little distress at separation
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Treat strangers and parents similarly
As Adults:
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Struggle with intimacy
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Emotionally distant in relationships
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Reluctant to share feelings
Disorganised Attachment (Mary Main & Judith Solomon, 1986)
As Children:
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Show mixed signals (avoidant and clingy)
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Seem dazed, confused, or fearful around caregivers
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May take on a caregiving or parental role
As Adults:
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Crave closeness but fear vulnerability
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Struggle with trust and emotional stability
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Tend to sabotage or create toxic relationship patterns
How to Support Secure Attachment
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Be emotionally available and responsive
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Create a safe, predictable environment
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Listen to and validate the child’s feelings
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Be the “secure base” from which they can explore
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Repair disconnection when it happens — no one gets it perfect all the time
“Always being available is not the same as always being perfect.”— Circle of Security® Parenting™
Why Attachment Matters
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Influences brain development
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Affects how children manage emotions
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Shapes future relationships and self-esteem
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Predicts long-term mental health outcomes
Trauma-Informed Approach
Trauma-Informed Approach COS-P program is grounded in attachment theory and takes a trauma-informed lens to support healing, growth, and resilience in both children and caregivers. It recognises that early experiences—especially those involving adversity, loss, or inconsistency—can deeply shape how individuals relate to themselves and others.
Rather than focusing on behaviour management or correction, COS-P helps caregivers understand the underlying emotional needs that often drive challenging behaviours. This shift fosters empathy, reduces shame, and creates space for safe, supportive relationships to take root.
A trauma-informed approach within COS-P means:
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Honouring past experiences without judgment or blame.
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Recognising the impact of intergenerational patterns and unresolved attachment wounds.
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Emphasising co-regulation as a pathway to emotional healing.
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Supporting caregivers to stay emotionally present, even in moments of stress or disconnection.
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Encouraging self-reflection to build insight, compassion, and stronger relational patterns.
By helping caregivers become more attuned, predictable, and emotionally available, COS-P offers children the secure relationships they need to recover, rewire, and thrive—no matter what their starting point.
Are Carers Attachment Figures?
Yes—any carer who has a sustained, committed relationship with a child can become an attachment figure, because a child’s attachment system is always active. What matters most is not how much time the carer spends with the child, but the carer’s capacity to consistently meet the child’s emotional needs with commitment, acceptance, and attunement.
To be a secure base and safe haven, carers must embody the COS-P qualities: Bigger, Stronger, Wiser, and Kind. As Mary Dozier (2005) notes, children attach to adults who know them, accept them, and are committed to them.
While the primary caregiver (usually a parent) plays a foundational role in helping a child learn emotional regulation through repeated, co-regulated experiences (what COS calls “being with”), children also form attachments to other significant carers—such as grandparents, step-parents, or early childhood educators. These relationships are not replacements but protective factors, offering additional sources of emotional safety when the primary caregiver is unavailable.
Like all attachment relationships, those with carers can be secure or insecure. The COS-P program supports any caregiver—regardless of role—in recognising and responding to children’s attachment needs, even when under stress.
Reference: Mary Dozier (2005). Challenges of foster care,
Attachment & Human Development, 7(1), 27–30. DOI: 10.1080/14616730500039747